Will anyone ever know me?

Ive always known love is the most divine thing. All my life, all I ever wanted was to be loved and known. Because of that I always gave everything I ever had in love. At 20 I met a man who I married soon after, and I gave my entire being to him. For 12 years, I gave him everything I had. Even my partners before that, I loved them as much as I could, but every one has always ended up hurting me. My love has never been enough, not even when I gave everything I had. I’ve never been good enough, or loved back like I have given. Never been understood, never been seen, not really. When my husband’s veil lifted last year, my world went dark. I didn’t ache for the love I gave or the hurt he caused, I ached for never being able to be loved back despite giving everything I had and becoming a shell of who I was. I ached for the girl I used to be before being hurt over and over till I could barely feel anymore. When it ended I felt it all in one go. Sometimes I feel so alone. Like, no one out there even knows who I am. Like no one even cares to find out. And I’m so tired that I don’t even want that anymore. Because that expectation that someone will, has cost me my soul. Sometimes I feel so tired, that I don’t even want to live anymore. There are days when I don’t see the point in anything. Not because I don’t love my life, or that I’m not grateful for everything I do have, because I am. Just because I’ve been tired of not being seen for my soul. I’m tired of hoping someone will, because no one’s even come close. Sometimes I think, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not meant to be seen, or loved the way I’ve always yearned for. Maybe I’m just stupid to think I’ll ever be.

- Anonymous